Funny... i really feel lonely and alone!!
i know everybody does! but, i feel the feelings too much!!!!!!
who needs me?  umm... NOBODY!

i know im really crazy. i wanna leave here.
so much.
ill go to his house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont need promise, NO, protecting me anymore. thats so discussting!


... i think i said too much.
i just wanna take a rest now. i mean i should feel better now.of course, if i can go abroad to study, i will anytime. but excepting of it, i dont wanna do anything.
i run my life-load too fast till now.Dont say NO now! i just think so. i hardly take a  breath now. so Please give me a rest now.


Thank you

Humm...UK

these days, i think UK is good to me too. i got a great letter from a uk family. and we were contacting. But, these days, i didnt get any e-mail from them. Ohhh.... I dont need a lie anymoreeee!!!! betray again!
on the other hand, one guy who is my friend in uk said to me ,[you can stay at my house!]. i was glad. But, i know he wants my body too. when i wanted to sell my body, i talked to him on msn. that was the first time i talked to him. but, he is good... maybe,... i dont have any idea now.
if he allows me, i should go to there,...? maybe....

i dont know what is right anymore.....



Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.


yes.....

Family

i have not said about my family yet.
i think this family is not good now...

everyone says [YOU SHOULD LOVE YOUR FAMILY]

but its really hard for me now... im really sorry.
dad is a hard worker,but drinks too much every night and loves my sis so much.i know he had an affair .
mum is not shy at all,but give me bad words when she feel bad.
one of my sis dont take classes in school, not kind to me and mean.and she is mentally untable.
the other sis is sometimes not kind, but good.

and i cry and get my feelings lonely easily.

in October, i really wanted to leave here.
and Now... i dont know what to do. i know i should love them. but i can lose my dream. i am not the girl that my parents want me to be.

i know i have to say im sorry manytimes.

Friends

my friends are really amazing.
 luckyly, i have lots of friends. thanks, god!! im really greatful for that.
i dont know why i have lots of great friends.
but they are the only one YES now for me.

Is it a light?

Anyway, do you remember i said i wanted to be an Au Pair?

i didnt have a good chance from there.
But, i got a good chance from UK! i dont know why.
i was glad.

But... I want to go back to THERE.

But...One of my dream is studying English, right?   - yes.


i dont have the time to be selfish now.
if i can, i should go to UK.

so, i send e-mail to back to them.
sudenlly, they didnt send any e-mail.

Why?  i dont need liars anymore, i thought.

Thank, Pray and Believe...

by the way, i finally can write my NOW life. i had written my past before. hahaha :)

these days( during the winter holidays), im reading books everyday. my grade fell down. But, i need some idvice. so i decided to try to read lots of books. luckly, im the girl who like reading books from birth on.

someone said ,[you should Thank then Pray and then Believe if you want to be happy]

i did it. if its dought, i dont mind. because i dont have anything i lose anymore except for my friends.

i dont know its true or not even now. but i know we should try.

I'm in dark

in December, i decided to go to there on winter holidays. i said about that to my host family.i was sure they would said Yes. cuz they said to me,[you can stay here anytime].but they said No. i was disappointed. i dont need liars anymore,i thought. sorry.  What should i do?
is my dream not good?

everyone is afraid of changing to bad.

and also,they are afraid of changing to good.